The Third Space may not be something you have ever heard of before, but it’s a really important part of our everyday lives.

Years ago we attended a doTERRA Leadership Conference and we heard Dr Adam Fraser talk about his theory of the third space, it really intrigued us and has been something we have both implemented into our lives with great benefit.

So… before we get started, let’s learn a little bit more about Dr Adam Fraser…

Who is Dr Adam Fraser?

Dr Adam Fraser is a human performance researcher and consultant who studies how organisations adopt a high-performance culture to thrive in this challenging and evolving business landscape. During this time, he has worked with elite-level athletes, the armed forces, and business professionals of all levels. In the last 10 years, he has delivered more than 1500 presentations to over half a million people in Australia, the US, New Zealand, and worldwide.

While other speakers talk about research, he does the research, partnering with various Universities throughout the Asia Pacific. In fact, he is thought to be the only keynote speaker in the world to have had the impact of his keynote presentation measured in a university study (it improved the behaviour of attendees by 41%).

In addition to this Dr Adam is the author of four best-selling books, including his latest book released in 2020, ‘Strive’ and the acclaimed ‘The Third Space’. Adam is a regular presenter on TV and Radio and has appeared on Mornings, Sunrise, Today Show, ABC Radio Nationally, and Sky News, as well as features in AFR, SMH, and The Age.

What is The Third Space?

Put simply… the third space is about how we transition between the different parts or activities within our daily lives.

After conducting his own extensive research, Dr Fraser discovered that how we transition between the different parts of our lives (ie. moving from one thing to another) is really important.

“Every day we undertake dozens of different roles, tasks, and experiences. Most of us habitually carry our mindset and emotional state from one of these activities to the next – and all too often this has negative, occasionally disastrous, consequences.”

The First Space

This is what you are doing in the present moment.

The Second Space

This is what you will be doing next.

The Third Space

This is the transitional gap between the two (ie. that moment of transition between a first activity and the second that follows it).

It’s that transitional gap that can really set the tone for how we show up in each activity we complete in our day-to-day lives.

What is an example of this?

With Dr Fraser’s work, he gets to travel around the country educating lots of people about and at one point in time he was in Brisbane working with a group there and the CEO of this particular group invited him to come over for dinner with his family.

Dr Fraser found this guy to be so chilled, present, funny, and fun-loving.  Bearing in mind that Dr Fraser had already spent the day working with this man and seeing him handle one work disaster after another, none of that stress and chaos from his workday had transitioned over to his home life.

So, he asked him how he managed to not let that stressful day affect him at home. It turns out that his man had built himself a whole new entryway to his house whereby – of course, this is not feasible for everyone – however, all he did was add a door from his garage to his bedroom, so that when he got home, he parked the car in the garage and went straight into his bedroom.  This gave him the time, space, and privacy to decompress from the events of his workday.  He gets out of work clothes into casual clothes, or showers and does a little mindfulness activity to make him more calmer and present, and then when this is all done he leaves his room and greets his family. He really credited that transition time as being the most important 15 minutes of his day because it allows him to leave his work day behind and fully show up as the husband and father he wants to be.

The differences between male and female third spaces

Through Dr Fraser’s work in this space over the last 25 years, he has really seen that men are so much better at looking after themselves and their own personal needs. However, what they aren’t good at is leaving the emotion of the day behind.  Whilst the cause can be different and varied, from a general perspective men tend not to tap into their emotions as well and can have a hard day and then take it out on their family when they get home, instead of leaving it behind.

Whereas women, and again, generally speaking, tend to go home and their minds are on all the things that they have to do, which means they are basically just constantly going from job to job all day long, with no transition between any of them and causing a lot of stress on themselves.

So, particularly for women, those transitional minutes between activities are so important to decompress, unwind, and reset themselves before going on to the next task.

But… I don’t have time for the third space!

Dr Fraser was doing a talk once and when he was finished a lady came up to him who was quite angry and frustrated.  She said that clearly, a man thought this concept up – to which he replied, well yes it was me (lol), with her point being that because she was a working mum she doesn’t have a third space because she is always going from work to home and then into doing all the household that her family doesn’t help her with.

Firstly, Dr Fraser talked about he completely understood that she wasn’t being supported in her needs at home by her family, but that this was a separate conversation to be had and one she needed to have with her family so the home jobs could be divided more evenly and fairly because by her own admission, she was going home “pissed off” about all she had to do.  But that is different from the third space concept.

Secondly, Dr Fraser stressed the importance of taking a minute or two of that transitional time to enter the home in a better state, whether that’s a better state for her to talk to her family to encourage them to help her, or whether that’s a harder conversation that needed to be had with putting boundaries in place of how the jobs will be more evenly and fairly divided amongst the household. The third space is about what energy you bring into the home and how that will impact those you live with.

For example, in Dr Fraser’s house he is responsible for all things food… so he:

  • Meal plans
  • Grocery shops
  • Cooks

This means he also cooks every night. Instead of coming into the house with the mindset of something like ‘far out I don’t want to cook dinner’, he instead uses the third space to build his mindset to then go into his home and make cooking dinner a great experience for all.  He usually gets his daughters involved in the cooking… they’ll play music together (of which his daughters choose the songs – which means at the moment he is getting more acquainted with Taylor Swift music than he would like lol) and have lots of fun together, which then makes the task way more enjoyable for everyone.

Being present

As you may already be aware we run a doTERRA business and one of the things we teach our leaders when they are going into someone’s home to run a workshop or class about essential oils, is to take a minute or two before going into that home to become present, realise why they are there and focus on the intention for them being there which is to help, serve and educate people on essential oils.

Dr Fraser loved this! He agreed that it’s about how you show up, what’s your intention and what you want to achieve. For example, whenever Dr Fraser gives a presentation and before he goes on stage he will always think to himself about what impact he wants to have on the audience, and what does he want them to take away from listening to him speak.  This means that he is thinking about them, the audience, and not about himself. He doesn’t think about being nervous or doing a good job, his focus is on them and what will give them the most benefit.

📈 Recent studies show that people are on autopilot for around 50% of their day, just moving from one thing to another without taking the time to think about how you show up. The third space allows you to take that moment to get clear on how you want to be going into the next task or activity.

“The people that meant the most to me, got the worst version of me.”

Dr Fraser has had so many men come up to him after his talks and said some kind of derivative of this line above.  They wish they had heard him talk years ago. Whilst they’re proud of their career successes, they wish they had learned to transition better from work to home so that their family and kids got the best of them and not the worst.

It’s something that resonates across all ages and genders… trying to ensure we give the best version of ourselves is a daily commitment.

It doesn’t mean we have to be perfect all the time because that’s impossible, but being mindful of how you interact with others and having that level of self-reflection is a vital skill for everyone to have.

Where can you learn more about The Third Space?

Dr Fraser has created a whole book about this called “The Third Space – Using life’s little transitions to find balance and happiness” which you can get from his website HERE.

Whilst you’re there on his website also check out his The Third Space 10-week online course.

He also runs some programs for organisations as well, so if you have a business – then these may be for you.

Where can you find Dr Adam Fraser? 

Website:  https://dradamfraser.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrAdamFraser
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradamfraser/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dradamfraser

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Much love,
Jo & Tracey x